Hmmm where to start? Who I am and what I want? I recently read a post by someone who made some valid points as to the “work and effort” involved when being a Dom and found my little stubborn side rearing her head saying “erm…you what?”. This isn’t a reflection on that person by any means…rather a small journey of insight for me.
- This is about me: As an established Dom surely you already understand and have extensive knowledge about what you like, what turns you on and what you absolutely will not do? I, however, do not! This is my journey into discovering my boundaries, exploring my experiences and building on them as well as finding out what I like/love. So yes, I am going to be selfish! I am also going to be giving, caring, and all other things expected of me. I will find out what you like to…then I will bend myself backwards to please you.
- Wasting my time: As much as I can research and put thought into what it is exactly I would like, it all boils down to experiencing it. If you for instance ask me “what do you feel about me blindfolding, gagging, binding and fucking you senseless?” and I respond with “I don’t know?” …this is not me being vague, but me saying I don’t know…I have been blindfolded once, enjoyed it. Never been gagged, I don’t know if I’ll enjoy it. Been cuffed once, I enjoyed it but I don’t know if I’ll enjoy being bound up…well as to the fucking me senseless, yes please! Who doesn’t like being fucked senseless?? How can I know what I like without trying them…I am willing to try anything, with exception to my NO-NO’s. I can understand your frustration at my answer but please keep in mind I take my likes, dislikes etc from experience.
- Communicating what I like….ah the clincher, do I like to talk…er I’m a woman ain’t i? Do I like to speak about things which make me feel outside my comfort zone…no! But I always make a point of saying so from the very beginning, I am excellent at communicating via text, messaging or email…it’s just that pesky face to face encounters which get me tied up in knots! So push my damn buttons, don’t rely on me to speak but rather question me, prod me, and if you’re that worried ask me to text it to you! When I am comfortable with you I will be more and more likely to speak out loud…this is not a personal thing against you…I am like this with everyone I first meet! Expecting me to freely express myself verbally in a very emotional, anxious and sexual moment the 1st time we meet is rather like expecting me to discuss my vagina with the little old lady at the bus stop, its not gonna happen!
- Making the effort: There are many Dom’s who I’m sure feel that since they have made the effort I should to, and because they don’t see the inside of my life they assume I have made little or no effort at all. I would like to clarify this. As a single mum, preparing for a night with someone takes a lot of effort on part. I have to ensure that my entire house is cleaned (would be rude not to!), that I am shaven, buffed and preened to an inch of my life (again, would be rude not to!). whilst doing this, I also need to ensure mini me doesn’t catch on as well as subtly organise for mini me to sleep out at friends without raising suspicions….you might be wondering why I would do this, and the simple answer is: what I enjoy in my private life is no concern of mini me’s and should not ever be…I am not embarrassed by what I enjoy, however, I do feel that allowing a teenager to know that her mother lusts for spankings, and rough sex isn’t appropriate, whichever way you look at it!
- I have spent so therefore so should you: the assumption that because I have a small amount of intelligence I also must work in some place where I have more income than sense is annoying, frustrating and simply ridiculous. Yes you, Dom, has had to invest in travel, petrol and if you so desire a bottle of rose for your sub, and I appreciate that. However, expecting me to go out and buy an entire outfit, because it turns your juices, at my expense is beyond silly. If YOU desire to see me in a skirt, corset and 4 inch fuck me heels, you buy it! The work I do, I do with love in my heart, so yes I earn next to nothing, and yes if I have any spare money I have other priorities which take place above your idea of what a sub should wear when greeting her Dom…hmm you know, things like food, electricity, gas, oh and other general things of slight importance.
- I will be challenging: yup that’s right…I will challenge you, shock horror, and I do so why? So you challenge me back! How can I expect to respect you as a Master if you can’t take my stubborn ‘make me’ moments and turn them into something fun, exciting and wondrous? I love discovering new things about myself…I love knowing that you, have managed to get me to do something which no-one else could or would of…there is nothing sexier than saying to someone ‘no’ and them being able to turn the situation into ‘ok yes I will, I will, please I will’. If you expect someone who is submissive in mind, body and soul….move on…I’m not that woman! I am strong; I am after all complicated, controlled, conflicting, and completely human. I would think that, the true gift a submissive can give her Dom, is a strong woman submitting willingly with a smile on her face to you?
- Humour me: I understand that Dom/sub situation can be so intense, but do yourself a favour and me, add some humour to it! It makes you appear human, it brings your sub back to safe place and make me in particular feel more secure in the knowledge that you aren’t going to go to some dark place dragging me with you….humour allows your sub to know that you are not all dark intensity. However, this doesn’t mean I have permission to bring humour in whenever I fancy….but you could get a lot more out of me with a smile and humorous “you can do better than that, can’t you?”….with that simply act I would work harder and be more determined! It becomes a challenge, a task I must complete rather than a chore….who wants to feel like they’re doing chores whilst in the middle of good sex anyways??
- Allow me to enjoy myself: If I am being introduced to something new, please, let me savour and take my enjoyment! Let me figure out if this is exciting or scary? To often a cuff is slapped on and an immediate “how do you feel?” is asked….i don’t know? I haven’t had enough time to process! If I already know then I will answer…if I don’t I can’t!
- Be honest: you expect honesty from me, at least respect me enough to return the favour! Do not say that you are going fuck me stupid, when in fact you have problems maintaining an erection. Do not say that you enjoy blowjobs when in fact you cannot maintain an erection until a woman has puked over your cock! I am being honest with you, I have explained and explored my deepest fears and insecurities….you have given me a profile of what you are and like, then missed out the bits which can totally ruin the moment….tut tut
- What I like: ask me rather what I dislike. What I like, is such an open ended question…4 years ago if you had said to me “you’ll like being spanked hard, and you’ll like it enough to beg for more”, I’d of been either dumbstruck or fell on the floor laughing like a hyena…but time and patience by someone, showed me I do like being spanked hard, and I will and have begged for more. If I’ve never tried something, how in heavens name would I say if I like it or not? Do you like anal? Hmmm I don’t know, I have had some bad experiences but I have also had an experience in which a Master challenged me by saying I would beg him at the end of the night for his cock in my ass…and I did!
- Appreciate my little things: I, on a daily basis wear, casual comfy clothes, normally end up with sticky sweet marks on my clothes and covered in horse hair and not a mascara stick in sight. This is my comfort zone! I am comfortable in tracksuit pants and t-shirts with hoodies…so when I make the effort of wearing something more, such as jeans and a nice top, and put make up on…understand that I am making an effort on my part, stepping out of my comfort zone and show me that you appreciate it! Expecting me to go from wearing trackie bottoms and t-shirts to wearing pencil skirts, bustiers, and heels is not something I will do easily! In fact, I don’t believe I even own a pair of heels? (Being tall, kind of made that a moot point and now I just can’t justify spending money on something which will sit in my closet for ages at a time!). I am practical, I am not going to invest in something which has no other practical use and brings only one person pleasure! Point in case, recently I was asked to wear some heels, I spent an hour in the attic trying to find those elusive wedding heels I placed there…put them on and tethered around feeling totally insecure and on the precipice of breaking my damn ankle…he of course was pleased as punch, as we proceeded with our fun for the day, I got the most awful calf cramp, fun for the day was abruptly ended as he spent the rest of our time massaging the cramp away! If the sub you are interested in is someone who doesn’t normally prance around in heels and skirts…be realistic about it and how they might feel about it, as well as if their bodies can deal with it! I understand that some Dom’s will say, it’s precisely because it’s outside her comfort zone that I insist she wears it. To this I say…it is outside my comfort zone to wear suspenders, stockings, bra’s not build for comfort and knickers which cover nothing by my clit…this is enough of a big step for me till I know you more. Saying that, if I feel the Dom I’m with is going to be the long running kind, I willingly will make the effort to do these things….
Again, I say this, my thought above are my own…I speak for no-one, and I speak only from my very limited experiences. This is only MY point of view…and perhaps in some cases it’s a rant! Do with this as you will….but do not say I am speaking on behalf of all subs or not all Dom’s are like that (I am pretty damn sure they not!). You may discuss with me your point of view…but do not dismiss mine or attack me for having them!
Thank you kindly,