I said before that and Dom/sub relationship needs trust, but even trust has its limits in what a person will do.
Now love is a diffrent story, for me it changes everything. On meeting umm we shall call him Mr 7, well on meeting Mr 7 for the first time I think it is clear to myself that the atration was instant though at first he seemed a little shy standing next to my friend who is as loud as a man could be, but at the same time fills the room with a party atmosphear, but Mr 7 there was also something behind those deep brown eyes, you know the type that you can see stright into and find it hard to get back out.
This meeting was fleeting as the music pumped across the zones of AC, the party was in full swing and I was loving it, getting hopped up on red bull because I was so hardcore, feet hurting heart pumping, dancing like nothing else mattered. Then I get a huge bucket of sweets to give out, oh boy more sugar. running across the Hellfire dance floor with hands coming from all sides for the e-number filled treats I got a glimps of Mr 7 again, its that moment when you stop and your eyes just follow and you can't do anything, it is like everything is in slowmotion, stupid romance films why did you have to be right.
As I was ready to leave I saw him again, standing out frount smoking a cigaret, leaning on the railing, I acted on impulse and gave him my number. Its something I have since regreated and something I am so glad to have done at the same time.
I did not see him again for some months how ever we had spoken online a lot, we got to know each other a lot this way. Then one weekend whilst working at slimes I got a text from him asking how to get their. he did turn up in the end full of smiles and with a lot to talk about. It still suprised me when I finished my shift and he was there that the first thing he did was kiss me, it was deep and like fire speading quickly across every part of my body, everything felt like it was melting, sadly we only had a few hours together before he had to go and it felt like having a part of me dragged away.
We did get together again and Mr 7 came back to my place, I remember looking at him as he placed his had lightly on my neck, squeazing lightly wilst lightly touching those fire giving lips to mine, I was helpless to him and he knew it but the first time we slept together was not as Dom and sub but just as two people sharing one anouthers body, as I held him close I could feel his toned body moving insync with mine, it was perfect and nothing else mattered.
The only thing that upset me with Mr 7 is the fact that he is Poly and at the time I never understood what it really was, it would litrally rip me apart inside knowing he maywell get with someone else, the pain was something I did not know how to stand, I also spent night crying myself to sleep because of this. The relationship became unstable to say the least, when in my mind he was talking about getting with a girl it in my mind ment he was breaking up with me, a thousand daggers to my heart could not replicate this pain. I pushed him away and begged for him back so manytimes it was pathetic.
It seemed though when we spent time together, none of this mattered.
This continues to this day, the pain of knowing he is with someone else whislt still being devoted to him, I don't think I will ever take anouther Dom, but I can't help but think that I am deluding myself in thinking one day he will be with me and just me, I wonder how manytimes I can take this pain, the pysical pain of the D/s part of it never really gets to me, this I can take but its the emotonal pain that is the killer.
One thing that has changed is my outlook on the whole realitonship Status, I no longer find myself able to commit to anyone, I don't know if this is because of my wanting for Mr 7 or because I have been forever changed.